About Private Property

"Who can own a mountain? Let's shred!" ~Famous Native American saying.

True freaks respect those who own the private property which barricades access to and from the Salt Lake Cities foothills. High elevation home owners should be respected for their superior work ethic which means that they deserve to live there. If some freaks loose out on access and some wildlife have a harder time putting food on the table, it's okay because these folks worked for it.

Think also of their contributions to our society. These transitional area obstruction owners are responsible for completing such tasks as: inserting balls into loops, protecting our environment by having nuclear waste shipped to our valley, or by cashing in on developing more of the foothills into affordable housing for their affluent business partners.

Foothill freaks also appreciate the fences they put up to keep the moose, deer, elk, and foothill freaks away from their tasty ornamental shrubbery and landscaping. Nothing makes a concrete statement of ownership like a fence of some sort, the uglier, the better. These arbitrary boundary markers are needed to keep beasts in their "natural habitat", where the food supply can be buried under feet of snow for months throughout a good Utah winter in the foothills.

Foothill freaks are also respectful of the need for food, shelter and dry underwear. Obvious lines of ownership should not prevent you from meeting these needs at the end of the day after skiing in the foothills. So if after an especially long tour you discover your way to the Red Iguana Mexican Restaurant is blocked by someones backyard, use your best judgment.

If you do decide to trespass, just be sure to hold the gate open for any moose wanting to migrate to warmer, tastier climes with you. Also, remember that by unwritten law, cold, hungry, and lost foothill skiers have the right to go ahead and ring the doorbell of these more fortunate, high altitude home owners and ask to use the phone, borrow a fiver, and get a ride to the local pub.

In summary, respect no trespassing signs (what ever that means...) Also respect the area between no trespassing signs, which obviously is an area that is open to trespassing since there isn't a sign. And in case you are not greeted with open arms while trespassing, be sure to have a power bar and book on skiing handy for any paddy wagon detours or trips to the slammer.