The Freaks'
Mostly Accurate
Ski Glossary

• Introduction
• Original Freaktionary
• Terms of Endearment
• Ways to Ride/Tour
• Ways to Suddenly Stop Riding
• Paraphernalia
• Snow Conditions
• Terrain Features
• Avy Country

Terms from the Original Freaktionary

This page contains just a few choice terms from when The Freak started the ski glossary years ago. To see all the glossary terms, you must navigate by category from the list here or on the side bar:

• Terms of Endearment
• Ways to Ride/Tour
• Ways to Suddenly Stop Riding
• Paraphernalia
• Snow Conditions

Avy Bait

Noun. Person with new BC equipment and no skillz. Seen in abundance on the first dump day after Christmas. Phenonomen particulary common among fringe winter sports enthusiasts including, but not limited to, extreme snow tubers (a special class of avy bait in themselves). Best avoided.

Corn Snow

Noun. Springtime snow condition in which the snowpack surface identically resembles the yellow rows and kernels of corn on the cob. Extra good corn conditions are likely to resemble the "salt and pepper" corn variety, though some prefer "indian corn cob" snow conditions. Hominey is another excellent corn sub-class, but Polenta is best avoided. Don't try eating corn snow though as it tastes like brussel sprouts.

De-veining

Verb. To loose control while riding a narrow patch of snow and spin off into the rocks, grass, or native fauna. See veining.

Freakin:

Verb. To hike, climb, ski, rappel or generally flail about with skis or snowboards on low elevation hills with the main intent of finding snow and/or angled surfaces upon which to slide back down upon.

Fruit Booters

Noun. (Skateboardese dialect, Durango region, 2000 A.D.) Rollerbladers. On snow, this term is applicable to mini-ski skiers.

Half-a-lapper

Noun. One who starts their descent from a lower elevation (hence a lesser position) than the proper top of the skin track or summit. A despicable creature known to "poach" your line while you're up ahead breaking trail. If you are tempted to adopt "half-a-lapper" behaviors, remember the wise words of world famous ski guide Szen Shushler, "Vee Ske from Ze Summit, and Ze Summmit is Ze Top!".

Hoar Frost

Noun. The perfect eyeshadow for an 80's themed get together.

Gaper

Noun. First documented use in Aspen, CO, 1986. A person on the slope who spends a lot of time looking, often stopping in annoying, inappropriate, or downright dangerous places to do so. Refers to the dropped jaw status of the onlooker. Worthy of praise as they keep ski resorts in business by actually buying lift tickets and lunch in the cafeteria.

Gaper Block

Noun. A congregation of gapers clogging access to inappropriate or downright dangerous lines.

Gaper Gap

Noun. The exposed space on the forehead found between the top of one's ski goggles and the front of one's hat or helmet. Note: distance and total area of said gaper gap are generally proportional to an individual's relative gaper status.

Groomer

Noun. A destructive variety of gaper. A skier or rider in a tight chute who "grooms" fresh powder snow by sideslipping the complete width of an entire chute. Also known as the “snow squeegee” or making boarduroy. (gaper and groomer derogatory terminology taken and edited without permission from http://departments.cvuhs.org/justinc/teleclub/ski_slangs.htm, thanks!)

Knuckle Dragger

Noun. Snowboarder. Used frequently by skiers, especially when poached by a boarder. AKA: Tray racer, ski-boarder, dog patter, and sorry-dude.

Moose Horns

Adjective. When a telemark skier drops so low that they hold their pole handles up by their head. The effect is heightened when the poles are thrust out horizontally to the sides, thus creating the siloette of a fully racked moose plowing through the snow. Often used in combination with double pole plants and a large poodle factor.

No Fall Zone

Noun. Slope angle description that implies huge ragdoll potential followed by certain and painful death. Frequently comes into use when members of the opposite sex are present, especially near "Bettys".

Poodle factor

Noun. The amount of fore and aft distance between the feet of a telemarker during a dropped knee turn. A large poodle factor is often found among beginner (or gaper) telemarkers. See Also Moose Antlers. I'm not making this shit up!

Punjabi sticks

Noun. (From the Philipines). A pointed stick projecting out of the snowpack and up the hill. Found in natural environments and on angry property owners turf. Best avoided.

Rat Stabber

Noun. Flailing telemark skier. Often seen pointing their poles in threatening positions. See also "Moose Horns".

Rockin

Verb. To ride your board or boards across snowless areas regardless of potential damage to equipment, environment, participant, or innocent bystanders.

Scotch Mists

Noun. (thieving slang, first published in 1736) Raining like hell. (thanks to http://kokotele.com/hillrod.htm)

Scraper

Noun. (from contemporary urban slang meaning pathetic automobile). Any ski or board that you should throw away or turn into furniture, but keep riding instead. Like a rock ski, but far worse. Usually features multiple binding mounting holes, blown edges, missing patches of p-tex, rotting wood and exposed fiberglass. Excellent for thin snowpacks and for making a statement on the tram.

Ski Boardz

Noun. A snowboard that has been sawed through longitudinally and mounted with any type of ski bindings, thus creating a pair of low cost, low weight fat skis. The "z" on the end of "board" is an onomatopoeia indicating the fact that the board has been sawed, or "zzzzzzz"ed.

Skookum-Chuck

(From Pacific North West Native American) Verb. To ram a large, outstanding pillow of snow with the hopes of making it over and subsequently going airborne. Noun. A large and irregular mound of snow that forms over humped objects either natural or man-made. A kicker with extremely abrupt transitions. Also a small town in the Kootenay Rockies.

Thumb Tack

Verb. When a snowboarder lands head first into a deep snowpack and becomes lodged in place; unable to self extricate. Best performed with friends watching nearby.

Under Control

Adv. A term thats meaning is continually debated and completely relative. One man's "under control" is another man's 50mph complete yardsale accompanied by expletives and/or blood curdling screams.

Veining

Verb. To ski a narrow line of snow that is closely boardered by dry ground. In the Wasatch foothills, long paths of snow are created by drifted snow that stay around long after the rest of the thin snow pack has melted.

Weiner Wacker

Noun. (Wasatch Oldschool). Male version of Bush Wacker. A shrub that has been partially buried in snow so that it's wispy end is crotch level or higher. Found throughout the Wasatch in the early season and at lower elevations all season long. Depending on your disposition, either avoid them completely, or ski over them with one ski on each side. See also Punjab stick/Bush Wacker.

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